Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I deserve this hangover.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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