he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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