a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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