I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
