Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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