at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i believe in u and ur pee
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
