Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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