I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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