i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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