Sober January is a disaster.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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