I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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