Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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