I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize