She said her name was "party"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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