If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
