So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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