I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
