Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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