Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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