"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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