forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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