he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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