Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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