Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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