And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
