i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They have beer where we have blood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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