so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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