I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
