i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
