Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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