You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
