i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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