just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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