dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
