I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
