Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Randomize
