dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
