there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I smell stomach acid.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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