Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
