Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
