hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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