My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
