Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
