remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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