One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
