i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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