just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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