pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
