and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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