how can u be prego again
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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