btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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