Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
