I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this will be a night to untag.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
