am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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