Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How external is "for external use only"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
