I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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