he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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