I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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