I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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