So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
