Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
