She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
