So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize