i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
