Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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