Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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