if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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