just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
