please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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