Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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