I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
