he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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