Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
