Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I want is dick and wine.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
