Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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