woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
