i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
