Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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