Yo dont text me then not text me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
