it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
