Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
