What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You are the jesus of drinking
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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