I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
