is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
